So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
