is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Reggie can tackle my bush.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
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I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
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she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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