Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
