Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
