How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
