I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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