i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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