Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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