I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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