Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
