when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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