We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
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we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
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Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
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