Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
