im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
