You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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