I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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