finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
