i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
