I hate your face
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
