Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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