ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
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i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
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Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I am mentally ready for anal.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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