i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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