those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
