alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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