it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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