The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
