Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
