dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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