OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
