the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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