Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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