I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
