guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
