There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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