i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Randomize
