just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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