i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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