Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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