i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
