Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
