Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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