So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I look excited, but its just a facade.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
