Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
