I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
