I puked a lego.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
How naked do you want me to be?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
