I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
