Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
