he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
