My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Randomize
