Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
