the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
