You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
we made out on top of his cat.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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