based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize