4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
