I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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