The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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