Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
