im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
