Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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