Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
