I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
