I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
