I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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